paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
