I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
