May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize