Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
