absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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