sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
soo... how was my night?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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