hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
