Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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