I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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