Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
