Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle