Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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