I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
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Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.