If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year