i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She even gives head with a lisp.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime