I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?