Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????