Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.