Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes