There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
