Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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