A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
