At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
