i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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