I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
