I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
