I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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