whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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