Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
