Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
