the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
