It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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