i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
