I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
