We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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