I want to make a zoo with you.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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