I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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