Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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