I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
