Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
