On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
