It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
