You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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