WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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