He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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