Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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