Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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