You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
