Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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