It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
