Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
