I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
