I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
