I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
