im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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