in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
