He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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