If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
