She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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