My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I am one with the molecules
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
