Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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