Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
