if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
