I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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