Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All the doctor said was why
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
