I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
