I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
