So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
