Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
