How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
