Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
