I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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