you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
