I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
