I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They took my balls.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
